Ben is: THE MOVIE

A couple nights ago I watched "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints" which was a biopic about a writer who lived in Queens and his recollection of his violent upbringing as well as the characters that filled his life. The movie is written and directed by the man himself, Dito Montiel. Dito cast Shia Lebouf as his young self and Robert Downey Jr. as his adult self.

It got me thinking about who I would cast if I had a movie made about myself...

AND YOU BETTER BET I'M GONNA BLOG ABOUT IT.

Benjamin

Portrayed by: Mario Lopez
Why: After thinking about it long and hard it came down to three people to play myself in my biopic: Neil Patrick Harris, Kobe Bryant and Mario Lopez. I chose Mario because a) he has the same body as me b) we both have crazy deep dimples and c) I think he is awesome. I almost chose Kobe, but I'll leave those reasons locked deep down in my heart. Did I mention Mario can dance? My movie is gonna be a MUSICAL.

Grace

Portrayed by: Reese Witherspoon
Why: Reese is a beautiful and talented woman, just like Grace... and coincidentally she has the same jawline haha. It helps that Grace is a huge fan of Reese's. I would think that Reese would have great chemistry with me (I mean Mario) so I think it would play into how Grace and I started out.

Jed

Portrayed by: Rainn Wilson
Why: Rainn (Dwight) has a very normal, reserved side to him, unless you get him going somehow (read: alcohol for Jed) then he makes everyone bust up with his wackiness. Just like Jed. I wonder if Rainn could grow Jed's trademark mustache? If not we could just draw it on.

Jay

Portrayed by: Tracy Morgan
Why: Loud. Hilarious. Attracts laughter and people like a magnet. Over the top is never too much for Tracy, or Jay. Jay is also basically a black dude with a Filipino sized penis.

Neil

Portrayed by: Dave Chappelle
Why: For some reason when I see Dave Chappelle I think of Neil. When I see Neil I think of making love. Let's no go there in this blog, but I'm sure Dave could pull off Neil's brand of sexy coolguyness. Dave shares Neil's skinny ass frame and sense of style.

Tammy

Portrayed by Drew Barrymore
Why: Drew kinda reminds me of Tammy in 50 First Dates. Maybe because shes a super nice teacher lady. I think Drew can play Tammy's pyscho murderer role well.

Jeff

Portrayed by Wilmer Valderama
Why: Grace and I saw Wilmer at LAX nightclub in Vegas and it felt just like we were standing next to Jeffrey Mendoza. Is there any better person to fit this role?

My Dad

Portrayed by Chuck Norris
Why: The is no bigger badass than my Dad, other than Chuck Norris. Also, Chuck only has to say "Dude" regardless of the situation.

Vinji

Portrayed by Tiger Woods
Why: Vinji is a super athelete and he is really dark. He was once mistaken for Tiger Woods (YES, REALLY!), so it is natural that I would have Tiger Woods play him in my movie.

Gerald

Portrayed by Omar Epps or Mike Tomlin (head coach Pittsburgh Steelers)
Why: I think Gerald is Mike Tomlin's offseason secret identity. Omar Epps is also Gerald's stage name. Seriously.

Lawrence

Portrayed by Randy Jackson
Why: I think that you need a special person to portray Lorenzo. I think that Randy Jackson could pull off Lawrence's freestyles and be able to philosophize with the other characters. I would also think that Randy Jackson could say "cracks?" instead of "dog" as his catch phrase.